New Years Eve

Here we are, standing on the edge of 2013 and just about falling head first into the new year.

Last year when I stood here it was terrifying. Gabriel's first heavenly birthday was on the horizon and with the welcoming of new beginnings I also worried that my precious baby would be forgotten. It was the last year he had been alive and the only one he ever would be. As you can imagine, thinking about moving forward held a significant amount of pain, especially as I watched the minutes crawl towards midnight. I didn't believe I would survive another moment....but here I am.

So, what has my year been like? It has been peppered with moments of amazement and awe, sprinkled with love, and even had a dash of heart break here and there. I've been blessed by family and friends, and I've been hurt by others. I not only survived, I learned to live again! I experienced a true and heartfelt laugh after months of robotic motions. I had my very first out-of-state vacation with my husband and even survived an entire semester of college. To top it off, I've lost 18 pounds in the last few months with some simple diet changes. We even welcomed an unexpected fur baby into our lives. Overall, I had nothing to be scared of when it came to 2013.

I have high hopes for 2014, but this year I won't be writing any resolutions. I feel it works out better that way :-)

If you're up for a challenge, I encourage you to keep a "blessings" jar. Every day, or whenever you get the time too, write down something positive that happened and stick the piece of paper into the jar. If you prefer, you can do a wish collection or a combination of both. On New Years Eve of 2014, read everything you wrote down and see all the good things that happened during the year. I started this last year but didn't keep up with it. This year I plan too!

Happy New Year to all of you!

Our Second Heavenly Christmas

The Holiday season is almost over and surprisingly this year has been better than last. Christmas Eve was probably the most painful night I've had in a while. I couldn't imagine spending the next morning with my family and Gabriel not being there to open presents. We did, however, end up spending Christmas morning out at the cemetery. It was chilly, but a beautiful morning nonetheless. As we walked up to his grave, I saw that someone had tied a small bag to his Christmas Tree. It was addressed: "To Mom and Dad, Love Gabe". There are no words to describe the amount of love and shock I felt that someone would do such an amazing thing for us. We also had a special package from Gabriel's Godmother that had strict instructions not to open till Christmas morning.

We opened our family gifts. The we opened Gabriel's special package. Inside was a beautiful handmade hat from my friend Tabitha. It was gray and pink, with a little blue ribbon that had angel wings. I couldn't believe how beautiful it was! Next I pulled out a handmade Gingerbread man, but not just any Gingerbread man! This adorable gift made with such love and tenderness came with its own little halo and angel wings!!!! Can I just say, the tears wouldn't stop! Included was tear-jerking letter written just for my precious Angel.

In the package attached to the tree was a DVD for Gary, Despicable Me 2. And I received a beautiful pendant that was golden with the words "Mom" on it. I loved it! How much more could I be blessed?

I pray that your Holiday season has been blessed this year, even if this is your first Christmas,  or your fiftieth without you precious child. I pray that you have a year of blessings and love, and even in the moments of grief you will remember to take it one breath at a time. Peace and love to all of you!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo