Memorial Day

I never planned for this. If you had asked me four years ago where I thought I would be in my life come 2014, I would have never imagined this. Back then I was a newlywed, dreaming of white picket fences and at least two children in my home with a third on the way. I thought my memorial days would be spent surrounded by family, friends, and delicious barbeque.

I didn't know what my future held, we never do....but like I said, I never would have imagined this. Instead of a two year old shrieking with laughter, my tears fall as I sit next to a grave. Instead of a tiny flower "picked for mommy", I get to pick flowers for him. I could ask how this is fair, but there would be no answer.

This memorial day I am choosing to focus on the thirty-eight beautiful weeks that I was blessed to share with my precious Gabriel. I am dreaming of the first time I heard the most beautiful sound in the world, a strong heartbeat. I am focusing on the happiness he brought my husband and I. In under a year my son taught me how to love freely and open my heart to joy! I always believed that I would teach my child about life, but in the amazing weeks we shared, he taught me.

This year is also special because my Uncle gave us an amazing gift for Gabriel's second heavenly birthday.

His headstone was placed just after Mother's Day. Even though it is something I didn't want at first, it is beautiful in so many ways.