10 months in heaven

Yesterday was Gabriels 10 month angelversary. Gary had to work and it rained all day, but despite the rain I still went out to see my little boy. I didn't have an umbrella, I didn't care if I got drenched or my shoes would soon caked in mud...I wanted to go out and sing him happy birthday. As I was making my mind up it occurred to me that yes, I am a mother. I was thinking exactly like a mother, nothing was coming between me and my baby! It felt nice, it even put a smile on my face that despite so many months and my recent feelings of wanting to "forget"... I love Gabriel so much to not miss a monthly birthday. After Gary got off work, despite the fact that it was dark and still raining, he asked me to drive him to the cemetery. I did happily and I let him have his own private moment with his son.
It's still hard some days, I don't know if it will ever not be hard for me. What amazes me is the loss of passion in my marriage since Gabriels passing. Gary and I get along fine, we laugh and joke around. We go about our daily lives as normally as we possibly can...but I've noticed most times we hardly kiss. When we do it is a quick peck. We still cuddle some nights and we still share the same bed...but I feel the passion missing. We don't make love, not hardly ever. Before we conceived Gabriel, sex was fun and full of amazing, intimate moments. Now I find myself feeling (especially since I'm on birth control) "what's the point of sex if we can't have a baby?"
Never in a million years did I think that would cross my mind! I am hoping to change this, I don't think Gary and I are falling apart or anything from this change but I fear we will if things don't change.