My Second Mothers Day

The day has passed, the heavy stressful weight has been lifted and we survived! This year Gary worked all day again but I got to spend the day with my mom, my two sisters, my friend Brittanie and her adorable son. I won't lie, the start of the morning was hard! I didn't want to get out of bed and as soon as the words "Happy Mothers Day" left Garys lips, I didn't want to even think about being recognized as a mom. It's weird, where other women are begging to be recognized as mothers still, I am wanting quite the opposite. Gabriel will always be a part of me, he will always be my son and I am not trying to deny his existence. But, it is so painful to remember that where I should be waking up to a smiling one year old, instead, I am waking up empty arms. In my own grief I am trying to remember the good moments I had with Gabriel, but for some reason when people remind me that yes, I am a mother....it just brings forth all the beautiful things I'm missing out on.
It was a much nicer day though when I finally put down my phone down and took a huge step back from Facebook. And when I got to see my friend and her little boy, my heart could not have been any fuller with happiness! After a while, it didn't even feel like Mothers Day, it just felt like I was being around people I care and love about. Having a little baby to hold gave my aching heart some comfort! I don't know what it is but seeing little babies always eases the pain, I think it's because they are so full of innocence.
After Gary got home we went out to see Gabriel together. I actually hadn't cried all day until Gary told me to close my eyes and placed a hand made card into my hands. He had taken copies of Gabriels foot and handprints to use with my card, it is the first card in my entire life that brought tears to my eyes. It was the only gift I got for Mothers Day but it was more than enough!