Hollywood Studios

We are now four days in to vacation. As expected I have had moments where life is higher than the clouds and in an instant can be lower than the depths of the sea. I have so much to talk about....

Day 1 (June 7,2013)
This is the day we began our trip to Florida. I actually woke up excited, ready to start vacationing and stop worrying about every little thing. But by the time we got to the cemetery to leave flowers for Gabriel, I had to bite my lip to keep from crying, which of course didn't work for very long at all! I was in tears because it wasn't fair that while I was leaving to enjoy myself, my baby couldn't physically come with me. We told him about how we were going to include him, how much we missed and loved him and how we would find the best souvenir we could. A few short hours from that moment we were off on the plane, my panic attacks from flying were in full swing and I was a train wreck. Upon landing at the airport, we took the hour long car ride to my husbands grandparents house. Of course everyone was enthralled with the little children in the house (Gary's older brothers kids). I wasn't jealous of the kids getting attention, I wasn't hurt that my sister-in-law was getting to brag about her fourth pregnancy, but what upset me the most was that no one bothered to ask me if I was okay. No one asked how our M.E.N.D. meetings were going, how were me and Gary doing...before long I didn't feel right about going on this trip at all. I was ready to pack my bags and walk home if needed! So with an early bed time and a few hours of reading "See" by Mary-Beth Chapman (which has so far been an amazing and beautiful book for me), I was off for an early bed time.

Day 2 (June 8,2013)
After a wonderful breakfast at Denny's the family was all packed up and ready to head to Mims, FL from Palm Coast, FL. We were headed to see some of Gary's extended family and stay the night visiting. When we got there, despite my nerves of meeting more of the crazy family I married in to, I was welcomed with open arms and even felt like I had known these people for years. At one point during the conversation Gary's grandpa had talked about how Gary's older brother and sister-in-law make such beautiful children. Nothing was mentioned about Gabriel so of course my stupid hormones took over. Luckily I had time to grab Gary and drag him down the hall so he could hold me as I cried. It felt wrong to know that my son should be here playing with his cousins too. I should be told how beautiful my baby is...but after I let it all out in tears, I just cuddled myself up with Gabriel's blanket and teddy bear. The rest of the evening was filled with wonderful family memories, and even at this point it was such a joy to have the time I did with my nephews and niece. After a very calming storm and yummy pizza, another of Gary's aunts came over. She truly changed my entire vacation in a single sentence. Amidst all the normal chitter-chatter and joking she turned to me and asked,"How are YOU doing?"
I was speechless, and in a moment threw out a simple answer of "good". Here was a woman who barely new me but for maybe a few minutes and she cared enough to ask me how I was. I could tell in her voice she meant emotionally, not just your every day greeting. That night I went to bed elated. I felt wonderful and thankful but most of all I was happy that someone had finally acknowledged Gabriel.

Day 3 (June 9,2013)
With an early alarm of 6:15a.m. we were out on the road and heading down to Disney for the last day of the Star Wars Weekends. Gary and I were beyond excited and we had a few tag-alongs for the day too. (His cousin and sister, Alyssa) I was nervous about pulling out Gabriel's teddy bear for the pictures with all the different characters and Hollywood Studios. Surprisingly, I got an approving response, people loved the bear in his tiny jedi robe! What was best is that no one questioned why we were doing this and I didn't have to tell the tragic story of losing my son. We had a blast though, but one moment will always be a fond memory of mine. Gary has a favorite character, Boba Fett and during the Star Wars event they had stations set up where you could get pictures with different Star Wars characters. Boba Fett and Jengo Fett both switch out of the station at different intervals so really there is no guarantee what bounty hunter you will get a picture with. (The Disney employees are really good at letting you know this ahead of time) Well, it was mid-afternoon and just after the heat of the day so we were pretty exhausted! We already had a picture with Jengo Fett, since the characters had switched out as we got to the front of the line, and this time we were hoping to get a picture with Boba Fett. We waited patiently, teddy bear in hand, only to get a five minute warning at the same spot we had been at early while we were in line! (Mind you the characters had already switched once during our wait time) I couldn't believe we might miss this one picture! I quickly urged Gary to talk to an employee about our situation and let him know why we needed this picture. The employee promised the characters wouldn't switch until after Gary and I got our picture!! I was beyond thankful and just wanted to hug the guy because he didn't know how much this would mean to us, and apparently, I had no idea how much this would mean to Gary.
You know when a kid meets their favorite super hero of all time and their eyes light up? Gary got to the front of the line, clutching to his chest the picture we had of Gabriel (which hadn't left the back pack yet today) and in his other arm was the bear. He looked at Boba Fett and explained how we needed two pictures. I was ready with the camera and took the bear from Gary's arms. There he was, smiling with his favorite character and a picture of our precious Gabriel between the two of them. After that we got a picture with Boba Fett, Gary, the bear and me but when Gary started to walk away Boba Fett placed his arm on Gary's shoulder and gave a sympathetic nod.
Gary told me as we walked away that he was shaking and ready to cry, he told me how he told Boba Fett that our Gabriel had died a year ago and all he wanted was a picture with his son and his favorite character. He told me it was the next best thing to having Gabriel with us and how this one moment had made his vacation. I watched tears swell up in my husbands eyes, a simple moment that I will forever cherish. So beautiful, so raw....God blessed me with the chance to be a part of something so meaningful in Gary's life. Who knew something so small, a simple moment, could mean so much?