Just A Cry

You know what? I'm just going to put it out there....I MISS MY BABY!!! This may seem very obvious, why else would I have a blog dedicated to my grief journey? It is so much more than that though. When I first came home from Oregon I felt amazing, wonderful, passionate about life and all of it's opportunities....but the longer I seem to stay in this town it almost feels like I am trying too hard to be 'okay' and 'better'. I feel like one tiny slip up and someone will point out that I haven't truly healed or some ridiculous accusation about how I am supposed to grieve. Now that I'm writing it out I'm more angry at myself that I let unrealistic fears control my life. But really, I just want someone to tell me,"Hey! It's okay if you cry, scream, rage and anything else you want to do when you are having a tough day." Sometimes I miss those comforting hugs from people who get it, people who understand the pain. I miss Gabriel so much, I can't stop thinking about how grown he would be right now! It's KILLING ME! I keep telling myself to be strong and that everything is okay and I truly do believe that...I just want some time to cry again. Maybe even a day to cuddle in bed with his blankie and play with the day dreams. I know my future holds amazing and beautiful things...I'm just terrified of leaving him behind somehow.