I've been home now for a few days, getting ready for my first semester of college and such. I haven't been out to the cemetery and to be honest, I'm terrified to go out there. It has been a painful place for me for a while now...I'm worried if I go that I will fall back down a slippery slope. I'm still trying to stand on my own, without my grandma here to guide me it feels harder to stay afloat. I'm trying to keep busy and stay away from old habbits. I plan to start working out tomorrow...I know I've put my physical health at the bottom of my priority list. I can't do that anymore, not if I plan to have more children someday and live to an old age. I love Gabriel so very much, and it's hard to determine which actions are steps of healing and which are loose stones on a cliff. I'm sure I need a healthy amount of stepping forward and falling back a little in order to succeed, at least until I find my balance.
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