A Gimlin Christmas

Sunday was our Gimlin family get together, it was also the day that Gabriel has been gone for 38 weeks which means he has been gone as long as he was alive. My nephew, Rylin, had his baptism too. I didn't attend that though. We spent the day at Garys parents apartment, his grandparents are in town and so is his older brother with his family. Everyone was there, and for the most part it was an amazing time filled with quality bonding and love. Only one time did the reality set in about Gabriel, it took a lot of strength to not cry and ruin my make up. Instead I focused on Rylin, I held him and kissed his head, I breathed in his baby scent and though I knew what I was missing having him in my arms was a comfort. I spent time with my adorable nephew Daniel and niece Cadence too. I'm sad they have left back home this week, I just can't seem to get enough of them.
With the morning of Christmas getting closer I am finding it harder to focus. For days I sit at home in the shirt I wore to the hospital that day so many months ago. I wonder how different life would be if Gabriel was here, all dreams that slipped away. I don't know if I want to do anything for Christmas, it is beyond tempting to cover my head under a pillow and hide from the world in all its happiness. How do you plan on facing this holiday season?