Fathers Day Cards

It has been one busy day so far! Today is my husbands 24th birthday (hooray!) and tomorrow is his first fathers day. In my mind I keep thinking of how different things should be, how Gabriel should be here to celebrate with us. I've been out though, trying to keep myself busy by buying gifts, figuring out what to make for dinner, making cupcakes...normal holiday stuff. I was doing okay, trying to be creative with how to honor my husband on such an important day tomorrow but there I was, completely stumped in Walmart while looking through their fathers day cards. There was an assortment: from wife to husband, from son to father, from daughter to father...ones for uncles who are like a father, for grandpa's from kid, for grandpa's from kids, for papa's...even ones for the expecting father and fathers of cats/dogs. Not a single one for fathers of babies in heaven. I stood there in awe, how could it be that there is no card to recognize my husband as a father?
 I was heartbroken and frustrated. Fathers of animals get cards from their "four legged children" but what about the thousands of fathers with winged children in heaven? I couldn't believe how this could happen, with all the numbers of stillborn children it didn't seem fair. I took a deep breath in though, reminding myself that this is just another "hallmark holiday". I settled on a card from a wife to husband but inside I was hurt. Why should we have to special order cards for our bereaved fathers? Why can't we go to the store and find a selection of beautiful cards to honor them? Our only baby is in heaven! I continued my shopping, determined to brush it off and let it go. My project required me to be in the photo center, the system froze on me over and over. I was becoming so frustrated! Eventually I got the prints I wanted. As I was paying for the instant print at the counter the cashier looked at the pictures while putting them in an envelope. I paid, collected my change and looked up to tell her to have a nice day. She smiled at me," You have a beautiful baby." My words froze in my throat, tears started to prick at my eyes. I managed to squeak out a thank you and turned just as the tears started to fall. Since Gabriel's death I have been very cautious about who sees the pictures, lately I have been opening up more. I am not embarrassed by him but his skin is peeling in his pictures, he doesn't simply look discolored. I cried on my way out of walmart, clutching the pictures to my chest. The words she spoke to me were music to my ears. To know that a complete stranger could see the beauty I saw when I looked at the pictures of my son was truly uplifting.