Remembering Christmas

Mommy, Daddy & Our Little Gift (12/2011)

I was in my room today, my husband was next to me when I remembered about the video camera we had gotten before christmas. It was an older one Gary's parents had and they gave it to us so we could record everything after Gabriel was born. I burst into tears when I realized that the only video we got of me at all when I was pregnant was christmas morning when we were surrounded by family. I cried really hard for a moment, that was the only Christmas I was able to spend with my son. Gary told me to be thankful that I got that time with our baby but how can he say that? I had an entire future planned, we had already even figured out our holiday arrangements so everyone got to spend time with their grandson. I had imagined a morning full of little toys and making ornaments with the baby (nothing fancy obviously since he would still be little) I imagined rocking him to sleep at night, telling him stories about christmas and hannukah. I was going to sing songs to him and start making traditions with my own little family but now what? I don't know how I am going to survive without my baby, I don't know...