Almost four months old...

My dearest, how I miss you in this early morning quiet,
It surprises me how silence can start up such a riot,
I woke today forgetting that you were gone away,
For just a moment I was full again but the moment didn't stay,
Almost here, your four months old, I can't believe how time has passed,
I don't know how I've managed but the numb isn't built to last,
I'm faced with pain, reality, every moment is a chore,
Remembering you is just so hard but forgetting you hurts more,
Some days are worse but I'll survive, or so that's what they say,
But somehow when the silence comes I remember that horrid day,
It's bitter sweet, I met you son but you weren't meant for earth,
I guess God has a plan for you but it doesn't mean I never hurt,
Have faith they say, he's with God they say, but what about me?
With empty arms I'm left to cry but they turn and never see,
Some days I look at daddy and say, can you believe we made a baby,
We laugh about the sweet memories, remembering isn't always bad lately,
I hang your pictures proudly, in our tiny little home,
So maybe after all, I really never am alone,
It just isn't fair we were so close and still you had to go,
But in my heart you stay forever, I hope you'll always know,
I hope you hear me singing, and that you hear me say "I love you",
Because sweet angel, your dearly missed, though we hardly got to know you.