By Candlelight

Last night something came over me, a feeling moving in my soul. It was 3 a.m. and I lit a candle, quietly walking into the living room and asking Gary to turn of his 360. As he was finishing up his game I set the candle in the middle of the living room floor, turned off the lights and sat indian style on one side of the candle. Gary sat next to me at first but I kindly asked him to sit across from me. When he did I held both his hands, one on either side of the candle. "We haven't done this in a while..." I whispered. He nodded his head in agreement. "I think you should start it." "But Gary, you always start this off for us..." "There is a first time for everything."
For a while I sat there, I kept asking him to start and repeating that I didn't know what to say. He waited patiently, I closed my eyes and the tears were falling before I even spoke my first word. I went to God with my anger, I cried as I confessed my pain and hurt to him. What shocked me the most was when I finally got a glimpse of the anger that Gary so strongly feels in his heart. I won't share details about what was said but as we prayed I felt like I was being held, like a weight was rising from my chest. We ended it with telling Gabriel how much we loved him and missed him. I don't expect to do this every night, maybe Gary will surprise me and initiate our prayer circle again tonight...but I don't plan on forcing the matter. This is just one step, maybe a step in the right direction but only time will tell.