Are you listening?

The hours just keep falling away, I can't seem to catch up with time when it flows away from me like a stream. I think about how shockingly tiny his coffin was, just 6 days before I had been to a funeral for a church member. I remember how hot it felt to me, my husband holding on to me and our son when he was still in my tummy. I felt out of place that Monday, surrounded by those in mourning when here I was, full of life. It was determined later that Gabriel had actually passed that Monday night, which is accurate to when I last felt him move. By Thursday Gabriel was born sleeping and by Sunday I was attending the funeral of my son. Wow. As i walked up to his coffin I remember thinking how unfair it was, I was in the same cemetery I had been only days before except now I was among the mourning. How? It is a question I know contains no answer but yet I wonder, how? Why?

I was speaking to my grandma last night, she is such an amazingly strong woman and has experienced the same tragedy I have. She told me some day I will get tired of telling new people about this, some day I will only talk about it to those closest to me. I hope she is wrong about this though. How can the world become more aware of how common this loss is if I stop talking about it? How can I reach anyone if I stop? I do look at this blog sometimes and wonder, is anybody listening? Does anyone read the mourning passages from my heart?

*image of a product I fell in love with at a local store