Oh Grief

I am struggling, I am suffering. I am tired of my grief being an inconvenience for most of my friends. I feel forgotten about. I don't know what is right or wrong anymore, I don't know how to ease the pain. I feel like everything is shattered and falling to pieces...I feel like I am falling to pieces. Why is grief so lonely? Why is it so painful? Why is it so angry?

I miss my baby, I ache to hold him and gaze into his eyes. I cry so much and yet am silent and withdrawn from the world too. I don't want to seem like I'm carrying on for nothing, I don't want people to look at me like I'm crazy. I wish they would acknowledge him like i do. I wish I would find flowers placed at his grave, or maybe a handwritten note taped to his plaque saying that someone misses him...they don't even have to leave their name! I want to know he has impacted somebody, that someone loves him and truly misses him as much as i do.

I know most of what I am saying isn't new, I'm trying to process all of this. It seems like I spent nine months preparing for this beautiful future and now I don't know how long it will take to come to terms with his death. My psychologist has sent me to my doctor on Monday to get something, maybe this will help?

*image from Google