Today proved interesting, my mother in law called me to tell me she was going to be going up to Washington in October to be with her other son when they have their third baby. She was so excited because she gets to be the first grandparent to see their baby and such. I didn't want to sound rude so I listened and sounded happy for her, inside I was aching though. I noticed I am indifferent about the newest member of the family, Gary and I have never been very close to his older brother anyway but now I just really don't care. It sounds rude, I guess, but I just don't want to hear about another baby being added to the family. It isn't like I wish horrible things for the baby, I just don't feel anything about it. I don't want to know when they are born or see pictures, I am still very much grieving the loss of my own son. I am at a point where I need to safe guard my own heart, every book I read tells me I need to remember to go easy on myself. Seeing another family member with their child is just a little to close to home for me still.
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