What To Expect

Last night I was at my moms house and we decided to watch What To Expect When You're Expecting. I had been warned about this movie before and had an idea of what to expect but I guess I never mentioned it to my mom. So we get to the part where one of the women wakes up in the middle of the night bleeding. I hear my mom,"Oh no..." I look over and see her eyes start to water. The scene plays out, they deliver the news and the lady goes home. At the end of the scene the woman in the movie is talking about how she blames herself and how she never even got to feel the baby move. I take a peek over at my mom and tears are now falling from her eyes.

My heart shatters. Her boyfriend quickly gets up and tends to her as I struggle to wipe the tears away from my own face. Everything settles down again, we continue to watch. I am okay though, until the birth scenes where everyone is having their babies. I go to the restroom and turn on the fan, I let the tears fall freely and silently. Inside I ache, and reality rears its ugly head. I think I am making progress in my grief but for the most part I don't know. I think about Gabriel constantly but I feel like I am still in denial, sometimes I still wake up thinking it is March. I think I feel him kick. I pretend like nothing has happend and I try to push it away...why is life so cruel? I don't want him to be gone anymore, the days are getting harder. I just want to hold him, I want to kiss him...I want my life to be back to the way it was! I am surrounded my a thousand pieces of my previous life and don't even know where to begin to start putting them together.