Numb

I can't believe how fast our baby's six month birthday is approaching! 182 days now, how can it be?

Tonight I am painting a few things we are taking out to him on Saturday and Gary is working on something very special.

Lately, it seems like I am right back where I used to be at the very beginning...numb. I get only glimpses into my pain, and when the realization hits it leaves me breathless and aching. More and more I find myself wishing Gary could stay home and just hold me, I miss the people we were! We used to be so happy and full of love. We are still in love with each other but it is becoming more and more apparent that a huge part of us is missing. I try to be strong though, I continue to push through but like I said...I just feel numb.

I have pictures of Gabriel up in our home, I have photo albums and a shelf of momentos. I even sleep with his memory box on my night stand. I have a play list of music dedicated to him, I even made a special garden on the game Minecraft (only because I don't have a real garden yet) Sometimes I still find myself wondering if all of this really happend, or did I dream it all? The pictures are what tell me otherwise.