Day 15:Wave of Light
October 15,2012
Yesterday was Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance day, it really held a lot of emotion for me. I couldn't help but think back to this time last year, we were living with Gary's parents and Gary was struggling with finding a job. We were pregnant and still managed to be completely absorbed in each others love. I wonder now, where is that love? Do you ever miss the type of love that is full of innocence, full of blind hope and makes you feel invincible? I sometimes do.
For the wave of light I posted a challenge to my Facebook friends and family asking them to light a candle from 7pm-8pm in memory of all the babies gone so soon. The response was so touching, to see some of my very closest friends and family post pictures on my wall of their candles. I enjoyed it so much, I even cried! I did my own candle to and took pictures, I even did some in memory of a few of my friends with candles lit in honor of their little ones.
I was worried how yesterday was going to be, it didn't start off the greatest. I was kind of gazing off into space when I noticed these blue baskets I had moved from Gary's parents house when we moved out. I had remembered buying them before Gabriel passing but that's about it. Suddenly I was back in time, I was rubbing my hands over the brand new sheets and blanket in his crib, I was feeling the soft blue diaper pad cover and then I was rolling up tiny sleepers and putting them in the blue baskets...it was the weekend before everything fell apart, it was Sunday night. It took my strength not to throw those baskets and scream like a maniac, it came out of nowhere.
Sometimes I get those moments to where I want to throw things
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