Capture Your Grief, Day Twelve

Day 12: Scents
October 12,2012

I have very few scents that bring up memories of Gabriel. One that I can not stand is the smell of hospital gowns. A month ago I was at my doctors office for a routine physical, he requested that I wear a gown. As I was waiting for him to come back into the room I started to have a panic attack because all of my memories from Gabriel came rushing back. Gary had to physically hold on to me to get me to focus even. Sometimes when I am in the shower the smell of my body wash reminds me of while I was pregnant. I remember rubbing my tummy and the early morning kicks as he was just waking up. For his funeral Gary requested we have white roses to lay on top of Gabriels casket. As I was riding with his family to the church for the service, I quickly called my mom and asked her to grab some beautiful, dark purple calla lilies that were in a flower arrangement at her house (I was staying with her at the time). I wish I had more memories with him though, I love the smell of newborns. I remember his smell very vaguely, from the first time holding him...I'm sure I won't smell it again till I give birth to another child though.