Capture Your Grief, Day Twenty Three

Day 23:Name/Photo
October 23,2012

This collage contains only some of my very precious photos from the few hours we got to spend with Gabriel.

Last night I was a wreck! I spent all day cleaning the house and realized just how much grief is taking a toll on my energy. I was exhausted and felt like I was eighty years old, it took me all day! Well, I got out a plastic zip up bag I keep all of Gabriels clothes in. I planned on putting a few burp rags my sister had made back in February so I could hold on to them. At some point the bag fell though, clothes and blankies toppled out onto the carpet. I grabbed a tigger blankie Gary and I had made for him and held on to it tightly. I remember sleeping with it for the longest time because I wanted him to smell his mommy when he was wrapped in it. All I could do now was hold it, I squeezed it to my chest and started to shake from my heavy sobs. Gary wrapped his arms around me and I screamed into that blanket, I shrieked and wanted to throw a tantrum like a child...but all I could do was scream and sob. Before long my arms were wrapped around all of his clothes, I felt the soft materials in my fingers, I never wanted to let go. Eventually though, Gary folded it all up and packed it away, I was so angry because all I wanted to do was hold it and sleep with it. Gary refused to let me though....it amazed me how a bag I pack away and don't look at often could have such an effect on me now. Why now?