Day 26:Age
October 26,2012
My forever baby, Gabriel Gimlin.
I've been looking up tons of new songs for Gabriels playlist on my phone. Music is so therapeutic to me, I absolutely love it! I have so many songs and it makes me smile with pride when I cone across a beautiful song that isn't extremely popular. I've been thinking a lot about Gabriels first year heavenly birthday. I thought I was pretty solid on what I wanted my plans to be, but now I am unsure. I am terrified of the day when we go to pick out his headstone, it will just seem so definite, so real....I don't know if I can handle it.
Many times I have found myself dwelling on my past and how I thought things would play out, but lately it has been a question of not why Gabriel died, but instead, what is my purpose now? If he has fulfilled Gods purpose in 38.5 weeks of life then what is Gods purpose for me? I feel like I should educate more people on the realities of child loss, stillbirth, and early miscarriage. I think the world is still casting a blind eye over the enormous community of angel parents we have. Despite the events, the walks, the awareness we are still to quiet. We need to be louder, we need to be recognized...but how? That is my latest prayer, what, my God, are you asking of me? What is my purpose in life?
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